MAN OF STEEL REVIEW (with spoilers)
you’ll believe a man can mope
Heard this movie cost upwards 250 million to make. TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY MILLION and no one on the production crew thought it wise to purchase a fucking tripod.
Anyways. Saw this movie twice on opening day. Originally purchased one @ 8pm, but after one viewing I needed another - so got another ticket for 11:25.
You have no idea how much I wanted to love this movie. I’ve been reading Superman comics since the 80s, and have watched every incarnation of him from TV to film. This movie made me sad. And angry. The Superman in this movie was not the Superman I have grown to love.
I am also not a “movie reviewer”. Just a grown man who likes watching a dude in a red cape save people, so take this review with that in mind.
On the first viewing, I liked it. Was impressed with the VFX and score (good job to the people who worked on it) - watch it like you are watching TRON (with your brain off and your senses on), and you will love the Man of Steel. As a visual and audio spectacle, it is amazing. It has some of the best superhero brawls I’ve seen on the big screen. Krypton looks cool, Cavill looks the part as Superman. The first half is really good, though pacing from shot to shot does not flow and feels disjointed.
It is incredibly JOYLESS. Remember in the AVENGERS when the HULK smashes into Tony Stark’s tower and tears into Loki like a puppy with a new stuffed toy? And everyone in the audience CHEERED and CLAPPED and YELLED? There is NOTHING like that in the Man of Steel.
Lois is Lame. There is no chemistry between her and supes. Their kiss at the end was like steel scraping marble. She also plays Ms. Deus Ex Machina and Ms. Damsel in Distress. You don’t need either for Lois Lane to be awesome. Watch SUPERMAN UNBOUND. Or hell, just read the comics.
The Collateral Damage. I knew coming in this Superman would kill Zod. Superman in the comics has killed in the past - but usually when his hand is forced. Superman killing Zod is fine. I’m OK with that. What tore me up was Superman’s matter-of-fact attitude regarding the massive collateral damage which occurred everywhere as a result of their battle. Thousands if not millions of people must have died on and off-screen. Couldn’t he have flown Zod to the Moon and duked it out there? The Christopher Reeves Superman would have stopped to save EACH AND EVERY person. Not this Superman.
Jonathan Kent’s death. WTF was that shit. Do you know how he dies? He dies from saving the fucking family dog. In an attempt to make Superman “more relatable”, “more grounded, realistic, and believable” (current Hollywood buzzwords), they had to kill Pa Kent in a way that would give Clark both motivation and angst in becoming who he is.
OK. FINE. But couldn’t he have just died a natural death?
There is a shot, right before the tornado takes him, where he looks solemnly at Clark, puts his hand up and goes “NO CLARK. DON’T SAVE ME. NOT IN FRONT OF THE PEOPLE. EVEN THOUGH YOU CAN JUST SUPERSPEED IN AND OUT WITHOUT THEM SEEING YOU. JUST LET ME GO!!! OUR DOG IS SAFE!!!”
On the second viewing of this, I laughed out loud. The look on Costner’s face was priceless. This movie was taking itself so seriously. I laughed so hard that several people in the audience looked at me. A girl in front turned around and gave me this “he just died I can’t believe you laughed” look.
If I had Superman’s powers, and my dad went into a tornado to save a stupid dog - I would not give a shit about what he thought. I would go in at superspeed and save his ass. That is ”realistic”. That is “believable”.
I could go on and on and on. Like the IN YOUR FACE oh-I-see-what-you-did-there Christ imagery. Ugh.
I’ll stop here. Need a drink. Oh wait. I don’t drink.